Everyone knows Grumpy Cat. One. Grumpy. Cat…
There are many Memes based on this one single grumpy cat…
Why settle with one cat when there is a WHOLE SPECIES of animals that are not only grumpy – they are crabby too!
Little-known secret is that Crabby Jewish Mothers reincarnate into….
CRABBY SEA TURTLES!
Sea turtles begin their lives in the ground, hatching from an egg that was buried underground (less than 6 feet though) by the mama-turtle. This helps the recently deceased Jewish Mother go through the transition of being buried in the ground, and then pop-out of the ground in the newly-formed body (but not newly-formed soul!)
THE EARLY YEARS
Oy….it is 110 degrees here… Is this Hell?
Wait…. Is THIS heaven? this middle-of-nowhere beach in Honolulu?
I don’t even have a hat, or sunscreen… oy vey iz mir
Eh…ehhhhhh….. al… most…. there…..
I hope they have a cabana on this Fakakte beach with some matzo-ball soup. Never mind, no one can make better soup than me. Forget it.
Ow… ouch! Hey… you are stepping on me. Where do you think you are going? There is no free matzo-ball soup. This is a hot and deserted no-name hole in the ground. I should have reincarnated as that grumpy cat. Nu, Shoin.
Oy… what are you looking at? I have no make-up and my hairstylist Rose has not hatched yet. She is always late – what can you do?!
I am shvitizing like a pig out here. Is this hell? No, just tell me, so I stop asking.
I won’t stop complaining though…
Almost there… with my luck a bird or a crab will eat me on the last yard. My life… and also my death are intertwined like Challah bread. Ecchhhhh…
Where did everyone come from? What is this? 50% off sale at Macy’s?
Finally, I can Kvetch by myself, without all them hoodlums. What’s for breakfast?
Crabby Sea Turtles Grow Slow, but Grow Crabbier Real Fast…
You, yes, you! What are you looking at? What is YOUR problem?
This face, only a mother can love. Eccchhhhh…
THEY COMPLAIN ABOUT THE FOOD
I remember going to Katz’s Deli… having a hot pastrami on rye… Here? I eat seaweed. I don’t wish it on my worst enemies, not even that Shlemazel tailor I used to hate
I ate too much coral.. I’m bloated and need to pass gas… Do you mind?
THEY COMPLAIN ABOUT EVERYTHING
Did you buy this underwater camera retail? Figures.
There is no private toilet here, no privacy, this is worst than the old nursing home in Florida.
THEY STILL DON’T LIKE STRANGERS
Please. Go. Away. If I was fast enough I would bite you, but I am too slow. What a curse… what have I done to deserve this???
I thought I told you to scram, didn’t I? Are you deaf?
Vamoos! Off you go, I am not going to say it again! The kids these days…
If I catch you taking anymore picture, you pervert, I will call the authorities. Now shoo…
Yes, I am giving you the evil eye. So what? What are you going to do about it?
THEY ARE NOT PHOTOGENIC
My luck, I always get a photo opp when I am not ready… If you give me time, I can put on a smile…
This guy is photo-bombing me. Who needs this life? Ha?!
You call this a beauty salon?
Where is Rose, my hairstylist when you need her?
Just kill me, you know what? I am done. What will I be reincarnated as next? A frog? A bulldog?
THEIR SEX LIFE IS ALSO CRABBY
Harold, NO! I have a headache. Your friend Herschel is right above us, stop it!
Leave. Me. Alone. You crusty old dog
Great! Is this some sort of a freak-pervert version of HELL? Is this what I think it is? Are we making a PORNO, Harold? Think about the children. Stop it! I will bite your sorry ass
Oy… what do YOU want? Go hump your own species…
What are you doing with these fish?!!! Did you go inter-racial?
Get a room or something, I am getting a stroke
No means No, Harold! Go do something productive for once, and not something reproductive.
THEY GO TO SHRINKS
…and then… I was lonely all those years… and the food was terrible… and you wont believe the PORN that is filmed down there… God is my witness… are you even listening to me???!!!